So, tomorrow I start a new job. I have been unemployed since September, which suited me fine since I was hugely pregnant at the time and have since enjoyed my time home with the Bundle, who is now 4 months old.
Bottom line is that I would like to stay home with him for a few more months, I always knew I wanted to go back to work, but an opportunity came up that was such a great fit, I took it. It’s only 35 hours a week, literally 2 miles from my house, will likely be considerably less stress than any previous jobs I’ve had, and they seem to make a real effort on the work/ life balance front. The company is small and the owners seem very together and efficient. I’m pretty sure that if I passed this up, when I REALLY need to get a job down the road, it won’t be such a good deal.
Here is the guilt part in stream of consciousness:
No one can take care of my baby as well as I can, my husband and I can. What if I miss some major milestone? (If the day care is smart they won’t tell me what I miss.) Other parents stay at home until their child is in school, why can’t we make it work? I want to snuggle the bundle ALL the time. Will they remember to put socks on his hands so he doesn’t scratch his head in his sleep again? Will he even notice it’s not me? Will he notice me when I pick him up? Thank goodness Husband is going to drop him off for the first week or so. Will he continue taking to formula? Of course he will. We introduced him to bottles/ formula this week and he’s been awesome at, bottles during the day, me at night. I know I could pump, but frankly, I’m done with breast feeding. It has its major pluses, but I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to pump at night, or in my car, or in a bathroom. I’m done. My pediatritian says 4 months is good and the bundle is in good health, so it’s fine and not to worry. I have to believe that moms that breast feed their kids until they are 2 years old are not better moms. They just have tougher nipples and more privacy
Here is the engorgement part, also via stream of consciousness:
Oh my god. This isn’t right. Oww. Well, today is better. When is that kid going to wake up so I can nurse him? Would it be wrong to wake him up? Just kidding, of course I wouldn’t. God I miss sleeping on my stomach. If husband tries to touch them one more time I’m smacking him.