It’s just kudzu, sweetheart- A Queen of Hindsight Moment

I can’t think of a good list to participate in ABDPBT’s Listlessness Mondays, so I’ll leave you with a Queen of Hindsight Moment.  Maybe next Monday I can get on it.

A few years ago Husband and I were living in a house where the backyard consisted of a gravel parking spot for 2 cars separating the house from the ‘wild’.  The wild was the area with a few trees and bushes, lots of vines, and a lot of kudzu.  Kudzu is a nasty vine that grows inches every day in the summer in the south and smothers the trees and other plants that it lives on.  We maintained the ‘yard’ so it didn’t get out of control, but there was no lawn, so it wasn’t like we were hanging out there.  It was nice and green to look at but there was no reason to walk around.  We lived next to a small retail shop with a parking lot in the back, which butted up next to our backyard.  There was a small metal fence there separating our yard and the parking lot, with lots of bushes along it to hide it.  It really looked nicer than I’m describing it.

Anyway, one day my dad and I were sitting on the deck, which was a story above the ground level, and I see a man and woman get out of their car in the parking lot, each with a dog, and they proceed to walk them over to our backyard, somehow get through the fence, and let their dogs to their business.  I see them walking over there and am in shock that they are doing this.  I stand up and say “excuse me, that’s our backyard.”  The man says to me, “It’s just kudzu, sweetheart.”

There were so many things about that statement that bothered me.  The following exchange went something like this:

Me: “I don’t care if it is kudzu, it’s my yard.”

A-hole: “You’re such an f-ing democrat.”

Me: “What?  It’s our yard, jerk.”

A-hole: “What do you care democrat?  What, is your dad going to do something about it?” (My not imposing 60 year old dad is standing up at this point.)

Me: “No, but I’m calling the police so get out of here.”  I go inside and get the phone and call the cops while I’m on my deck so they can see me.  

A-hole: “You’re such a bitch… .blah blah blah.”

This whole time I can hear the woman he’s with trying to talk him back to the car saying to just ignore me, that I’m crazy.  Um, yeah.

I can’t see the license plate from where I am and surprisingly the cops show up pretty quickly, but not before the idiots leave.  I give them the deal and they say they’ll keep an eye out.  I really didn’t expect them to do anything, but I was so angry at this a-hole it seemed the right thing to do.

Queen of Hindsight that I am, after they left, I had all sorts of great comebacks.  Here’s what I remember:

  • ooh, you’re calling me a democrat?  Ouch.
  • I can always change parties, you’ll always be an a-hole
  • Well sweetheart, what’s your address I’ll bring my dog over to crap in your yard tomorrow (I didn’t have a dog)
  • Watch out for the poison ivy!
  • Don’t step on our pet snakes, we let them out for a little exercise

What have you got?


2 responses to “It’s just kudzu, sweetheart- A Queen of Hindsight Moment

  1. Wow, I can’t believe someone let their dogs crap in your yard and then gave you crap about it. I probably would have called the cops too.

  2. Oh my god, that makes me insane. It is unbelievable that the guy gave you shit when caught letting his dog do its business. As for comebacks, hmm.

    Maybe when you went to get your phone, you could have said, “Okay, I’m going to get a slingshot.” Or a gun. For the guy, not the dog.

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